The Golf Guy

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

Hope everyone had a happy Fourth of July!

I’ve been casually dating Golf Guy for a month now, but it’s always been pretty clear to me that there’s no future there, considering we have ZERO common interests (he likes golf as much as I like WoW, and dislikes WoW as much as I dislike golf). So, understanding that he is quite seriously looking for a potential wife, I decided to stop wasting both our time & nip things in the bud when we went out on the Fourth, with fireworks in the background as a symbol of the sparks that have never and will never fly between us. :P

He did a lot of things that surprised me, not the least of which included lying down in the wet grass in the balmy rainy night. He’s a starchy-shirt stockbroker, having him suggest stretching out in the middle of a field in the rain totally caught me off-guard. And I really liked it. Reminded me of the Halo 3 trailer where the two kids are lying down looking at the night sky (right before it cuts to modern day extraterrestrial warfare >:^D). I mentioned that trailer, in fact… he hadn’t seen it, of course. I tried pushing my luck a little and went with the opening line from the trailer (one kid asks the other if he ever wonders what’s out there). You know, Golf Guy has a lot of good qualities but he is tragically lacking in imagination. D^:

He doesn’t have much of a sense of humor either. He never makes me laugh, and the few times I get the spirit to crack a few jokes, he gives me a blank look or a hearty fake laugh much too late (I wouldn’t mind a groan or a Shut up! or something, I know my jokes suck… but the fact that kills me is that he doesn’t even get them!). It’d be so easy to end things with such an unfunny, uncreative guy… if only he could also just be a dick! Unfortunately, he’s a total sweetie and oh-so-kind and sincerely says things like “Listen, if you’re happy, then I’m happy”. …Nothing’s ever easy, is it?

Heartlessly, despite the rain & night & grass & trees & his sweetness, I told him anyway, “Y’know, we’ve got nothing in common. No common interests, nothing. I don’t think we’d make a good match.” He’s interested in food- I’m not. I love reading- he doesn’t. He has step-by-step life plans to become a fixed-income investor- I have a vague dream of making a cool comic book. I can spend hours on end on Wikipedia- he has the curiosity of a turtle (a really uncurious turtle). Neither of us can make the other laugh. It’s so clearly wrong!

It didn’t work. In the end I think the atmosphere got to me, it’s hard to be cold to someone when you’re the only two people lying in the grass in the dark night with this great stillness around you, with warm raindrops falling on your face. Really hard. Do you think it’s possible to be with someone, despite complete personality disparities if they’re just willing to support each other? Talking to him is about as much fun as talking to my pillow, less really since I have to suffer so many blank I-don’t-get-it expressions from him. But I know that he’s a good decent guy, a steady guy with a slow-to-nonexistent temper, totally loyal and patient. And I won’t lie, a part of me can’t help but be conscious of the fact that he’s filthy rich. I don’t like thinking about marriage yet but it keeps coming up since it’s all he’s thinking about, so when I think about it, I can see how I could have a totally comfortable life with him. But… he doesn’t get my jokes…

I’m seeing him again on Friday. It’s like his new mission to take me out to all the most expensive and exotic restaurants in New York, which really sucks because (and I told him this!) I couldn’t care less about food. My brother’s a food person, Golf Guy is clearly a food person, but I am about as anti-food as you can get. If I had to eat the exact same meal for the rest of my life I would be quite happy. I mean it’s not horrible really, like Oh noes I’m being forced to eat all these delicious exotic foods!, it’s just I would be just as happy eating McDonald’s and I feel like it’s such a waste of good money and gourmet cuisine which could be better given to a food buff who really would appreciate it. But whatever makes him happy… <:^\