I’ve Gone Loopy
Q: What’s the difference between the Lurker & a piano?
A: You can’t tuna fish.
Harhar, yes I know that was painful. You know what else is painful? Being in LOOooOOoOoooOOoove~ Ahahaha okay I give you permission to skip this post & delete my blog from your reader forever in disgust. Just me rambling about Biggie & feelings & junk…
What is love, anyway? LOL, okay okay JUST KIDDING sheesh! I’ll try to restrain this mushy crap. Anyway, I’m not in love. Just painfully in deep, insecure, contemplative, slightly unhinged like. There’s a quote from a manga I read once that went something to the gist of, “Your smallest action has the power to create a typhoon in my heart.” Corny huh? But it’s true for me now. When he reaches for my hand, I’m happy. When he doesn’t text me every 10 minutes, like today, I feel sad. And lonely. And waves of insecurity come crashing down. Who knew I was this weak?
I have never been the needy type. I like being independent enough that if a relationship happens to fall apart, I can walk away feeling okay. I mean disappointed & sad maybe, but not devastated or seriously affected like that. But here I am, all gloomy because today he’s not being his usual attentive “OMG I MISS YOU SO MUCH I NEED TO SEE YOU LIKE RIGHT NOWWWW” self. My friend Princessa says it’s the end of the honeymoon stage & that’s reality. No! It can’t be the end of the honeymoon already! I barely had time to enjoy it… Really? Is that it? Okay.
Honestly, this is his fault. You can’t shower attention on someone incessantly for three weeks then suddenly turn it off like that and expect her to not become a needy insecure little baby. I had parameters, I complained about the constant texting, I resisted the nightly phone call marathons, it’s just not my thing, y’know? But at his insistence we did it, and I got used to it, and now to be dropped like a sack of wet sand! The despondency! The utterly unasked-for bereftness!! This completely unnecessary questioning of oneself!!!
Oh maybe my little tantrum was premature. He just texted me. :^D Teehee. Omg!! You see? YOU SEE?? My emotions have turned at the drop of a hat! I’m a basket case! This is sick! Unhealthy! Asking to be devastated! Willing prostration upon the sacrificial altar when any smart Aztec would know to RUN AWAAAAAY~~~
Hehehe aww he’s so sweet.
Biggie, you’ll never read this, but hey. Look. You have me in your palm. Please be kind, okay? I trust you. I won’t tell you this yet, but I think I’m falling in love with you and it’s really scary.
