A Woeful Night but Lo, a Guiding Star Shineth

So last night we brought in six new recruits to Heroic Ulduar.  Two performed excellently, one was average, two were in need of improvement, and one was gkicked for turning out to be one of those persistently clueless bumblers.  Of course you make allowances for someone’s first time, but I think that if you continue to fail for 3 attempts by making the same mistakes over and over again, and even go so far as to raise your voice to the raidleader and get all lippy (“I know, I know!  I know what the skull over my head means, okay!“) while wiping the raid, it’s fair to write you off as a bad egg.  I’m just happy that our officers aren’t hesitant or wishy-washy about kicking people like that. 

We only got Flame Leviathan, Razorscale and Deconstructor down.  All in all it was the worst Ulduar run we’ve ever had.  Our shortage of viable tanks is really hurting us.  Snuffles is an excellent main tank, but we really need better off-tanks.  Right now we’re using DPSers who’ve dual-specced but are unaccustomed-to and reluctant with tanking.  Which means adds were gambolling amongst the healers & dps.  LF good tanks plz.  If I sound a little bitter it’s because, well, I was slapped around all night by iron constructs.  >>>:^[

On the bright side, I got the healing mace.  Woot.  And a ring.  Yays. 

We use the EPGP system for loot, which I honestly feel is the best loot system I’ve personally experienced since everyone can see exactly who it’s gonna go to, where they stand in the priority line and why… but I guess nothing with loot will ever be drama-free.  We’ve got this one rogue who is one of our top DPSers but regrettably has developed a very poor attitude- he doesn’t want to waste repair bills fighting bosses that don’t drop anything he wants.  So he doesn’t bother coming in until we’re onto a boss that he wants.  Like if we happen to start up a Naxx run, he says quite reasonably, “Invite me when you get to Kel’Thuzad.”  And what’s more, he’s started a campaign against the EPGP system because we recruited a new rogue who will, in a few raids, be a viable contender for the same loot.  Very regrettable attitude.

Kind of a Rant

The other day I was on my hunter when I got this random tell from a fellow low-level:

“How do I get a pet?”
“You have to get the quest from your class trainer.”
“Where’s my class trainer?”
“Over that way.”
“Okay thanks.”
“Wait wait wait. Hang on.”
“?”
“You’re a druid.”
“…?”
“Only hunters get pets.”
“Oh… I don’t get a pet?”
“No.”

At this point, Biggie leaned over and read the exchange on my screen, and fell off his chair howling. He whispered the guy from his own character, “LEARN YOUR CLASS NOOB!” I was a little mad, like breach of privacy! don’t bully him just cos he’s new to the game!, but shouldn’t have bothered cos the guy whispered Biggie back, “What’s my class?”  No “who are you” or “why are you, a random stranger, telling me this“. However, what he lacked in curiosity, he made up in helplessness. Complete and utter helplessness, like a baby turtle just rolling around on its back.

“Your class is a druid.”
“What’s a druid?”
“You get to shapeshift.”
“How do I do that?”

It was actually a tiny (TINY) bit endearing in a maternal-instinct way, but seriously it brings me to my real point: Some people are just persistently clueless. I think you really need some small, teeny, itsy-bitsy modicum of intellectual curiosity to be successful- in real life and, more importantly, in WoW. (…kidding…)   It’s not a crime to be a noob, everyone has a first time, but to get to level 15 and learn for the first time that you are not a hunter but, in fact, a druid?  Hm. 

Our guild has been recruiting and it’s been going very well- I find our recruitment standards infinitely better than how it was in my old guild. People who are undergeared but good players who are willing to take the time and effort to get better *on their own*, are so much more desirable than people who have epic gear yet somehow manage to do less damage than folks in blues.  I like people who are like, “What do I need to do to up my dps?” and you say, “Go read your class mechanics on the forums” and they’re like “Okay!” and show up to the next raid with 1k more dps. That’s just awesome.  Then you have the bumbleheads who are like, “How do I get better?” and you’re like, “Go read the forums” or even simply “Armory this guy and copy his spec” and they’re like “Lalala reading sucks” and continue to do the same crappy rotations with the same crappy specs while everyone else in the raid gets better and better.  Way to fail, person!  Some people seem to expect guild officers to hold their hands through every little thing in the game… It’s one thing to ask class officers for advice and opinions on specs & whatnot, but it’s very lazy to depend on them to explain every single thing and never do any research yourself.  Srsly.

NEwayz, my time is up~ I’m gonna make like a resto druid and leave!  Ohoho… have I already used that one?  I’m gonna hearth… wow lame… I’m gonna… go home…

Life Rolls On

I don’t want to precipitously make any new statements on the Biggie front, so sidestepping that topic for now.  Later, when things are clearer.  For now, let me tell you what y’all really need to hear:

What do you call a bunch of druids in the moonwell? 
A HoT tub.

Ohohoho!  Yea that’s probably old, but my friend hit me with it for the first time yesterday.  :D  You like it!  Oh yes you do!

Spent some time with the fam last night, for the first time in a while.  My mom gave me a cucumber facial!  Haha okay let me make it clear, I’m not a facial-type of person.  I mean, yes I have been blessed with a face, but what I mean is I don’t usually put stuff on it to, like, “exfoliate“, or “revitalize“, and the only “rejuvenating” I do is in Tree form (HAHA if you didn’t smell that coming you’re just terribad!!) (…I’m sorry… I know… I’m the one that’s terribad…). 

Focusing!  Right, so last night my mother, seeing the puffy eyes & sallow skin & grief-etched lines on my prematurely-(rav)aged face, decided that what I needed was a cucumber facial!  I was too sapped and listless to object, so I threw myself despondently on the sofa and let her have her fresh-vegetable way with me.  Can I just say, for a non-facial person, facials rock!  It was actually my first, and oh my did it feel good.  Cold wet vegetable on burning hot red eyes, oh sweet heaven, all I can say is it’s quite a pity that Grom Hellscream didn’t try out cucumber facials, it would have made his fight to the death with Mannoroth so unnecessary.

Also in attendance last night was my brother, a.k.a. Mr. Obnoxious.  After having left the guild so huffily, he decided he’d had enough of WoW and all its dramatic travails and turned to other, more fulfilling pursuits… like Left 4 Dead and Portal!  Last night I watched him play Portal for a while…  Now I’ve always considered myself quite the bright little bulb when it comes to puzzles or riddle-quest type of things, but wow!, Portal’s no joke.  After an hour of slack-jawed staring at him shoot blue portals and orange portals and build “momentum” and point “sparks”, I still don’t get it.  My bulb… seems to be… quite dim really… Oh how it hurts to face the truth about yourself… It was great spending time with my brother though, I’d forgotten how funny he was.  Wait, did I say funny?  I mean obnoxious!  I was bragging about something, I forget what, gloating about Ulduar progress probably, when he suddenly started frantically patting his pockets.  “Medals!  Where are my medals!“  Rude… xD  I did miss him.

Life rolls on, Internet!  Did you know that?  Yes indeed it’s true.  Life rolls on… inexorably… sadly… unbelievably… iwishitwouldn’t… life just rolls the fuck on.  Thank God!

New Beginning…?

Thanks all, for bearing with me.  Your comments really did help… I kid you not, I actually used some parts of your posts when I talked to him, and I think it made an impression.

Biggie & I are giving it another go.  I don’t want to sound too cliché- yes he promised to try to change his behavior, and yes I do want to cling to hope… But.  Seriously.  My blinders are off and I’m not going to let us slide back into that toxic relationship.  I’ve looked up warning signs of emotionally abusive relationships and it’s alarming that we used to fit almost all of them to a tee! But… I find some solace in the fact that a couple of the most telling emotional abuse signs (humiliation, disparagement, name-calling, insults) were never present with us.  In fact, he’d be more likely to beat someone up if they tried to put me down!  I don’t think it’s hopeless, especially because we can still communicate and he’s not a vapid man, he’s not lost to reason, and he’s willing to listen.

We made up on Saturday & he promised to change, maybe not drastically all at once but he’d try his best if I’d try my best to have some patience & understanding for when he slips up.

Yesterday was pretty cool.  I had a Hellish day at work & even had to stay half an hour late… In the old days, any hint of staying even 5 minutes late would’ve been cause for Biggie to blow up.  I used to be afraid of talking about work at all with him- if I had a horrible day & had to vent to someone, I would call my mom & cry to her & then put on a bright face for Biggie so he wouldn’t get mad.  He actually used to say “I don’t deserve to be penalized because of your job” when I was too tired from a hard day to stay up with him late at night.  I’d even started to lie about my hours… if I had to go in early, he expected me to leave early, so sometimes I pretended I just went in at regular hours so he wouldn’t get mad about me working overtime.  I developed these permanent huge bags under my eyes because I never got enough sleep!  And my vanity’s already in a very sensitive state from being 26… giant eyebags don’t help one bit!

Anyway!  The point of all this shameful confession is to display the turnabout that took place.  Yesterday work was harsh, very harsh- I was super-tired by 5pm, but I still had to stay a half hour extra.  By the time I got out, I was dead on my feet… and then when the bus finally pulled up…. There were no seats!  So another hour-long bus ride standing on my aching feet just put me almost in tears.  Now, Biggie had planned a whole thing where he’d pick me up, grab food, and we’d go play WoW at his house.  Usually even a 10-minute delay in his plans is a Big Deal worthy of seething the whole night, but yesterday… I mean first of all I went ahead & vented to him about what a difficult day I was having.  He was supportive!  I could hear him being quiet, suppressing himself, then coming out with thoughtful, considerate words.  When I got on the bus, I was absolutely miserable because of the day I’d had.  However, he stayed on the phone with me for the whole bus ride (don’t you hate people who talk on the phone on the bus?  Haha well I was too miserable to care!) and totally cheered me up & made me laugh.  By the time I reached home, I was actually kind of happy despite my tiredness!

He gave me ample time to shower & dress (which used to be a problem before, he’d always used to rush me), and then he picked me up and we headed for some mysterious destination- he hadn’t picked up any food & wouldn’t tell me where we were going.  After a little bit of getting lost (haha God bless GPS), we ended up at IchiUmi, this pricy but absolutely delicious Asian buffet in New Jersey!  We spent 2 hours there just gorging & talking & being happy.  I ate more than he did!  (o^___^o)

After all that, he took me home.  <– This really meant a lot to me.  This is actually the first time he’s taken me home before midnight, the first time he didn’t insist on my coming over, the first time he didn’t put up a fight about letting me sleep early.  Re-reading this, I realize just how bad it was before- he had all the control.  The real reason I’m sooo happy about yesterday is because it seemed like the first time in a long while that he’s actually thought more about my needs than his own. 

I’m Very Happy!

I know things aren’t going to be perfect.  I know I can’t expect him to magically be a new person.  I know these are tiny baby steps towards something that should naturally just be there in a real healthy relationship.  But seeing his efforts, honestly… all I really wanted was to know it wasn’t all talk.  I don’t want a perfect boyfriend, I just wanted to see the effort.