Post-Breakup Day 1

The really bad part hasn’t hit me yet, I’m coping well at the moment.   Last night was really awkward though; we both logged on & raided.   Somewhere around the middle of the run, he sent me some vicious tells just kinda cursing me out and saying the most hurtful things he could think of.   I didn’t answer but I did let the tanks die and missed a boss fight LOL.   Oops.

I thought he’d probably quit WoW, and maybe he will later, but for right now I’m thinking, Well I’m certainly not going to quit playing.   In fact I’ll probably be playing more than ever now that I can run whatever I please.   So… maybe I ought to transfer servers yet again.  Being in the same guild, in the same raid, in the same vent, it’s all just too much.   Clean break pl0x!

Kinda sucks to leave the guild, because I like the officers & I recently won some good gear & received free runed orbs from the bank.   Feels churlish to jump ship on them after all that, but…

“I decided the easiest way to get over this is to hate you forever.  Go fuck yourself.  You’re a disgusting fucking bitch.  I hate you, I regret sharing any memories with you, I wish we’d never met.” 

The officers were probably thinking I pulled a ninja AFK or something when the raid started dying.   The sad thing is, I know I won’t even hold these words against him.   He’s like a child lashing out when he gets mad, and he knows I know this, so he’s not afraid to cross the line like that.   Which is boohoo suck for me.   He needs to find someone whom he’s afraid to cross the line with.   He has none of that fear with me… or is it called respect?  Yeah… that…  And the worst part?   I feel so devastated when I imagine him finding someone whom he can give that respect to.   Someone who he’s going to bite his lip with instead of blowing up at.  Someone who makes him check himself before “going there”, because he’s actually afraid of her reaction, actually thinks for a second of how she’s going to feel if he says this or that.   Why couldn’t it be me?   What was wrong with me?   Okay, maybe the bad part has started hitting me.  I feel sorry for you, Internet, cos it’s all gonna come out here.  :) 

Enough!  Enough!  God!

Gonna start checking out new servers today.   Some friends, who have kindly rallied to my side despite my closing them out of my life for the past 8 months, invited me out for dinner, drinks, pity party, etc., but I think I need to take it easy.   I’d rather play WoW than anything else right now.   Sleep, straighten out my life, nurse my wounds, and then maybe I’ll be ready to go out & face the world again.

Yea the more I think about it, I can’t stay in the same guild.  :(   I wonder if maybe Babyfresh would make another transfer with me.   I’ll miss the little guy…  It’ll need to be an Alliance-dominated server, preferably Eastern time.   I always kinda liked guild-shopping, it’s a lot like shoe-shopping:  finding one that suits your taste & needs & comfort…  except then you have to apply to see if you are worthy of wearing the shoe heehee.   It’s always fun seeing how you measure up.   I’ve never been given the boot (ha! …ha?) yet, but this time I think I’m gonna be super-duper ambitious with who I apply to.   Why the hell not, right?   Need some hardcore raiding to keep me busy for a while.   Unless they reject me.   Upon which I’ll collapse into a puddle of tears because it would be doubly confirmed that I am damaged goods and nobody wants me.

KIDDING!  I’m kidding, I swear!   Seriously, I’m sexy.   My druid is, I mean.  If I were a guild I would totally want her, I’d be all, “Oh you’re such a HoTtie” and she’d be like “Wow that was so bad I’m leave-ing” and I’d go “Oh you woodn’t do that to me wood you?” and she’d be all, “You’re acorn-y bastard” and then I’d say “Oakay, resto druid jokes are really old now” and she’d nod, “Fir real.”   My druid is shiny & perfect!  :)  My… preciouss…

Lunching with Princess now.   Happy Friday y’all, and have a great weekend hear?